Sunday, July 15, 2018

Unsustainable emotions

I'll try to make this short cause I am drunk. Yeah, I do this sometimes, rarely thankfully.
Just some thoughts, nothing special, not having to do with being drunk.

It's interesting to thing of one's self, what brought you here, what is your "agenda", why you do what you do, why you believe what you do. I think this about myself and sometimes I don't even know, I don't even know why I didn't go to the other direction. I sometimes think it about people too. Even strange people I agree with their opinions, but what was the think that made them go independent and didn't follow some of the mainstream? What made them escape the mainstream thought, what changed their mind, or where they predisposed to reach some conclusions?

It's sometimes awkward and I don't talk as much, why as I explained previously, I entered this rabbit hole, where I am hooked into the whole "red-pilling" philosophies, taking the side of the anti-sjw personas, devouring from Jordan Peterson's speeches and the "intellectual dark web" to 3rd party youtubers. It's awkward because politically some people would think you are on the wrong side of the history or something. And I was never political. I was incredibly apolitical compared to my peers, I was avoiding taking stances in such discussions. It was awkward, you could be characterized, and I didn't have enough information or knowledge on the subjects to be sure what I am talking about.

But the last two years, from observing the gamergate controversy, to realizing some of the nice sounding ideologies are not as good as you think, or at least, expressed very badly, in an authoritarian manner, I started listening more to people opposing the new trends of identity politics on the left. I was dragged more to this side. But why?

My fundamental question is why didn't I became an SJW? I realized long ago, that I have some of the personality traits that might be frequent with this kind of people. Mainly my high neuroticism and then maybe openness to ideas, agreeableness, low conscientiousness (a thing I am trying to work to improve). And a lot of the things I discuss in this blog in the past. My feeling that I am somehow marginalized by normality, being in a minority of people not fitting the mainstream ways of socializing, entertainment, etc. It was all expressed. And another element, I read now the theory (conspiracy? reality? who knows) of the postmodern philosophies and how the far left doesn't want to have the discussion (protesters just shouting and disrupting talks) and I remembered one thing. I once have a frustrating discussion in the past where I declared that "Conversation is just a way to dominate other people's reality". It's hard to explain this, but I felt like the other person doesn't care about the truth or maybe your reality or feelings, but argumentation is a means to make them right and demolish you and close the case in their advantage.

But wait. I now learn that short of this idea is a postmodernist claim that somehow the leftist sjw types like (that's the conspiracy theory). And I don't really know anything about postmodernist philosophy, so I will discuss it in simpler manners: Discussion is threatening.

I fully understand the sentiment. This is a way to understand some of the sjw people. When you are in a hard situation, where words feel threatening (but it's the emotions that words emanate) and maybe you are a weirdo in one or another way (from being an introvert, lonely, incel or autistic guy, or feeling guilty about being lazy having to justify yourself constantly, to being other things I am not familiar with, like LGBT for example) and you had to constantly justify yourself for not being normal, you just for a moment want to not hear any argumentation about who you are and what you are supposed to be or how you should live your life. It can be all triggering and it feels like you are in a fight to justify that you are valid as a human being. I understand the sentiment.

But what is invalid to me (and why I have disliked the trends of social justice) is the whole politicisation, the mob mentality of these people coming together and showing their worse self. This is what never catched with me, I would come despising those attitudes, which I think are unsustainable. They are unsustainable because what is the thing you are showing to the world? That all these minorities are creating more trouble to society than they solve, it's all a culture of outrage, nobody is gonna take them seriously! They just don't want to have the discussion, they don't really care about the truth, the just want the world to cater in their ways. I could just never get along with the mob mentality of protests anyway, so while I could feel the "struggle of normality" as I used to call it, I ended up making my peace with the world as it is and go my own way. Maybe I feel more like an individual, a lone wolf, than belonging to a pack of animals.

I thought about this in the following way. You have the feminists and SJWs with their political correct language, demanding that entertainment is not as "sexist" (however they perceive it and can't even agree between their group members about what is and what is not sexist), that we change culture as much as possible, by force. Now! Everything is sexist, everything is racist and we have to call it out. They want to push things fast! Yeah, sure.. and I'll tell you what: I don't like the majority of socialization. I don't like full bars with lot's of people, loud music, smoke, casual talk. I don't like that most people are more people oriented than thing oriented. I don't like the stereotypes about nerds. Or the virgin incel shaming. I don't like them at all. But you know what? I never demanded that the majority of society which is based on the more "people oriented" neurotypical way of thinking would radically change on my needs, and now! And that is unacceptable we have this culture. I never demanded that!!! So, why do these SJWs and feminists demand things cater in their way? And even go out of their way and also shame some other marginalized people out there, calling out geeks with derogatory as being virgin neckbeard losers, while they speak about acceptance and understanding and politeness? That hypocrisy rubbed me in the wrong way, another reason to oppose these groups btw.

I learned that the best strategy is to cope with yourself, understand that you are different and that can be problematic in a society of normies, understand yourself and how it clashes with societal norms and how you can cope without being radicalized, without only blaming yourself but neither wanting to dismantle society. Everything else is unsustainable. You will only look like a fool, you will demand society to fully change (which is more unlikely than anything else) without taking some compromises. And I understand that life is a struggle, and people feel marginalized, and "Strap on your boots" is not always the more compassionate answer. But forming mobs of people to just shout things without having a real conversation or trying to fire people from their jobs because they posted something on social media, that's despicable and it doesn't make you look good and it won't look good for your cause, whatever that is.

This is what I mean by unsustainable emotions. In darker circumstances, based on my burden and what I have written here, I don't exclude the possibility that I could have become radicalised, either by joining some of these groups, or forming some kind of anti-normality manifesto and would have started something on my own, radicalising other people with my ideas.

There has to be another way. Discover more about yourself, but don't necessary put it in a scheme of me versus society or us versus them. You are not totally wrong, don't blame yourself, but don't blame society and culture either. These aspects change slowly and are defined by the majority. It's harsh here in loneliness, but what can you do? Don't make fool of yourself.

I am not making too much sense, but maybe it's a weird equilibrium state, where I neither want to go to the path of hating myself, nor on the outrage path of blaming society. It is unsustainable. I hope some of the SJW types (and I am sorry for using the term, but that's to point out which people I mean by using one acronym) will see things differently and act in better ways. Learn to not being afraid of the discussion, because I believe there is something that they could have to say (and it would take a long time to be adopted), I just feel their tactics are so wrong.

I keep going with this and don't have a good epilogue (still almost drunk), turned out to be a big post, so I'll stop right here. I want to discuss (reluctantly) about these issues, and part of it even reflecting to my own past, where somehow I didn't follow their path, which is bizarre (why would I side with those "we don't care about your feelings" guys on the other side, one would wonder?).
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