Monday, October 27, 2014

Triangle of my life

I just thought about this, even just for fun. I am into gaming cycle for weeks maybe (especially with Borderlands the Pre-Sequel and maybe a little bit of Legend of Grimrock 2). I do, everyday, want to return back to other things, either creative stuff or taking care of other parts of my life.

So, I thought of a triangle. Each corner has one period of activity.
- Gaming
- Creative (programming for me)
- Personal Development (from reading books or infos on psychology or philosophical things or forums to do some other stuff like trying yet another time a diet or going to gym or finding a new activity)

I am in my gaming cycle and I hope to start the creative cycle soon. Afterall there are some incoming demoparties, one which I will visit, and I want to make some little things if possible. I don't know if I will escape the gaming cycle soon, but last time I was so much fed up that I wanted to make something more creative in my computer. It's natural, no matter the amazing 3d worlds and crazy fun you can have in these games, you feel empty after a while. But then I might get burned by creative stuff, like trying to reach a deadline for a demo instead of enjoying it, I might see the results and be happy I released something at a demoparty or pouet or whatever, and then I get into recollection of thoughts, like ok I did it, but what next? What am I doing with my life? Am I still bothered by some facts about me? Maybe it's time to explore myself again? And then after being fed up of not finding answers, I get back into the gaming cycle again, like disregarding everything else.

It's cool how one completes the other. Not sure though it always goes like this. Just a funny scheme (I am too lazy or too bad at drawing it). In fact, today I feel very existential, like jumping from gaming cycle to wondering about things in my life. That's why I also feel like writing this blog post. I do have plans for creative cycle though, as ReSeT demoparty is in 3 weeks (making some small CPC entry maybe, but don't expect) and I plan to visit Sillyventure demoparty in December (not even started my AtariXL project though, and I don't even know the machine, and I am too late so really don't expect!). I just have the existential kicks.

Also, each corner of the triangle is connected to both other two. So, effectively you can go from each state to any other, considering there are no rules about going only one way. I am wondering if the opposite makes sense, going from gaming to existential feeling and from there to creative.

p.s. I don't know what to do with this blog. No time or actual motivation to write in the more frequent way I used to do. Life changes. I am not anymore living at home with my parents. I have a job. I have my own home and free leasure time. Maybe I am not as depressed as I used to be. And when I did, I was lost in the night, typing my thoughts alone, being frustrated with everything (I still am though with some things and I do want to write about them but then I prefer to not waste my time). One thought is, maybe I should write small things like this. Small portions of random thoughts.

p.p.s. It's not so small but smallish. Anyway :P

p.p.p.s. I said I am lazy (is that a gene?). But there you have it, lulz

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