Tuesday, January 01, 2013

Socialization as pure fun

I think we got it all wrong. Rules for socialization. Blame. Standards for how one should be or not. Ideas stuck in my mind. How can I enjoy something when everyone tells you that you should be doing as an obligation to yourself, you are not granted the choice to avoid it (you can, but then they suggest something is wrong with you) and that you also have to follow specific rules. How would then I like to do that activity and improve when all the negativity about it and how I handle it or how I avoid it makes me to not even want to think about it?

Recently (and always in my rare good moments and better as the years have passed and learned to care less) I am more relaxed with this. Talking to people and not talking. Yes, not talking too. Just being there and being a listener or not being there but residing in my own universe. One would say that maybe I don't like it, but the fact is that I don't hate it either. I don't hate it when the social anxiety goes away. I can actually be neutral with it. When fear is not there, I can be at worse neutral about socialization. Not getting to wild about it but not hating it either.

I remember for example some other neutral activities which doesn't inspire me but I can do them to pass the time with my friends. Some might tire me to death (like visiting too crowded places with very loud music and full of smoke), some others are more relaxing (going to a cafeteria that is less noisy where we can actually talk) and it also depends on the people. I said socialization can be neutral, but it can be more when I am spending my time with more close friends and people that I know and can discuss more interesting subjects or personal stuff. Actually, my optimism of at least a neutral feeling is about the other cases of visiting parties and places with people you don't know, talking to girls you can't connect, etc. So, I am talking about a fun strategy that works even in the harder for me cases. I am already social enough with my preferred cases anyway.

And I wouldn't care even. My strategy is an alternative path that fits better with my psychology. One that everyone would say is the right thing because it sounds good, but this is not what I am taking from discussion. Nobody told me to just have a time, one quote that an old friend from Erasmus told me once and it's still relevant today. To have a time, to exclude "good" from the equation. Try to visit some social activity and don't care whether you "failed" or not (it's subjective also). And even if you failed to visit it, do not care either. Yes, it's like eliminating ethics, eliminating good or bad, normal or not, healthy or not, successful or not. To exaggerate it, even if you totally failed and stayed all day in your bed like a seriously depressive person, you should calm down your negative emotions and say that's fine, another day passed.

Now you will disagree, you will say that yes we should be our selves, we should feel free and fearless about these stuff, we should not take them seriously BUT you should do stuff, you should wake up and act, don't let it go either. As a safety valve. Yes be free, BUT obligations, rules,. not true choice of the extremes. Because we want to have the most free spirit BUT we feel obliged to rule the exceptions.

I think the most wonderful feeling of freedom is to be able to say the most radical things without fear. I can be whatever I want no matter how insane. I don't need ethics. I don't need excuses. I beg for my inner emotional freedom to live without a second thought.

It's quite hard to say that. Because you can very easily be misjudged. Living without ethics would sound like you are a bad person, you could do harm to people and find the perfect excuses for that. But we are not talking about real harm, we are talking about socialization. I just need to be free and without ethics, without thinking I failed or I didn't do it the proper way in things that are supposed to be fun. I am not talking about real life ethics. How can you add exceptions and rules in things that are supposed to be fun? What's more natural and fun than socialization? Relationships? Why are we scared to approach a girl and work through it when it's supposed to be a pleasurable experience? What is wrong with us?

Someone would say that he socializes with rules and obligations and it's all getting well. Maybe they can live with rules and then contradict themselves by feeling free and making the mistakes while they suggest other things. Maybe the problem is us. The more sensitive people, the people who take it more seriously. Who feel obliged by rules and take failure negatively. But if it is this, then we should be handled with a different psychological strategy. And because we don't expect from the rest to react in our preferred way, we should teach ourselves to care less, to see the fun stuff as stuff of no rules, no obligations, either you do it correctly or awkwardly it's fine, either you are talkative or just sitting in a corner and talking to no one you should feel fine, either you come to the party or stay at home, fine. It doesn't even matter if you start talking about your special interests than doing casual talk in my opinions. And if they find you boring and move away that's fine. In fact that's a myth. They might like that you actually discussed something that is truly you. How do you know that universally, the next person near you felt the same as you, that they didn't like your crazy babbling?

I know how it works and this is my best way to fight this. No matter if I could express well what I feel, it seems to be working now. As a philosophy I think it's better for things that are supposed to be fun. People would misjudge this as unethical but what I am suggesting is a mind free of all the emotional distress some of us encounter with socialization. Just have a time! (needs time to truly learn)

p.s. The next step is having a good time with the other sex. That's a hard thing for me. But so far, fear of socialization played a role in this too, magnified by the fact that she is not a friend but you think her of something more. Last time I could talk a lot with many girls around even if with the aid of booze. But I felt with this philosophy that it's possible. Problem, this is only the first step. Then she stops being friend and things get more intimate. Though, these things should be natural, they should be fun. The idea that "you are xx age and it's a shame you don't have a girlfriend" is something I would erase now. These things are not obligations. These things are natural activities that we should enjoy! Having a girlfriend means living with her and that's stronger than friendship, so how would it be if you were oppressed into this even if it only makes you scared?

1 comment:

Accessory Designer said...

this post is really nice , you share this that why we learn like this . I am an ordinary Accessory Designer and I am thankful to you for this kind of informative post.
thanks for sharing

Locations of visitors to this page