I am still waiting for this point in my life where somehow my mind will evolve in such a way that I will feel like a different person who isn't afraid of things, who acts in the way it would seem to me impossible in the present because I know what to expect from myself. Of course that point is not a single one where these things happen suddenly but constant evolution. The problem is that because of the slow way things move, one has to keep focusing on a new state of mind for a long time till the old one will seize to be a burden. But since the old mind is much more powerful than new ideas, a new mental behavior that might be the right one, will be obscured by your old mental habits before managing to adopt it. It's a bit like a diet. Quite hard to loose enough weight but most important getting your organism used to a more healthy eating habit for the rest of your life, yet quite easy to put that weight back, be dissapointed and quit.
The way to reprogram your brain, to make it adopt to a radically new and healthier perception of things would be first to find the possitive concepts that might be worth a shot to focus for the rest of your life and try to stick with them. Later, if a chosen concept and a change in mental habits seem to be the reason for a more positive life, you could focus on how this proved to be more succesful than your old mind habits, trying to persuade your brain that "hey, this thing actually worked and the old shit you kept in your brain all the time never did!". Make it believe!
It's as a hard as a diet (or harder I'd say). We are stuck to old mental habits, common example being negative thinking, and how do you get a pessimistic person to suddenly or gradually think about positive things? It's a vicious circle. Perhaps some events, some considerations might help you someday to see things different, that maybe this thing works if I focus enough. It doesn't come for years but then it hits you. Time is the best healer they say.
It needs faith too. Some good new ideas that you could adopt and make your life easier might be fought by your old self. Complex logical arguments, things that you say to yourself or your close environment responds to, might not let you adapt this new worldview. But if you realize something is good for you and you have to adopt it to move on you might pull it. Especially if you had the same shit for so many years, you might need a change. Counter-arguments even from your old self might hit you hard and make you hesitant concerning the new idea. It needs faith, the kind of faith you see in movies where someone is in a dillema concerning an actions, makes his move, later thinks that he made the wrong choice (is there really right or wrong anyway?) and at the end someone else reassures him that he did the right thing.
This is what I tell myself. To have faith. That I am doing the right thing. Though, there is still logic behind it. In the past I couldn't feel well with everything if the logic or ethics could not be explained perfectly. Hopefully I have passed this point where I had nothing to believe in, where I wasn't sure about myself. I have collected few mental concepts that are very suitable helpers to make me live a happier life as much as I can. They are interconnected sometimes. And I am incorporating more stuff.
This was supposed to be a long introduction to something else, something that I started writting but decided to not publish yet because I want for a chance to not hurry posting thoughts that are badly written and incomprehensible but take care of a good structured text that manages to explain the ideas I want to say properly. This is maybe the first time I do this and the matter it will speak about it has to do with one of the good ideas I have started to incorporate and is quite important to me to throw in a harsh written text (it already doesn't look so good). It would be a good exercise and interesting experience to try for the first time to reform a text like I was coding something and trying to improve before release. I don't know when it will be finished or if I will still release the bad version because I can't do this properly.
Anyway, the idea I want to formulate properly has to do with The Noise I mentioned earlier. Thinking about it in the way I do changes my perspective and might make me a happier person if I stay into this. I am really anxious to write about this but for the first time I have to rewrite it carefully and take my time. Maybe one day I will try to take some of my scattered random thoughts of things I believe are important and reformulate them in a much shorter and clear version in my website (that is still under destruction anyways :P).