Monday, January 24, 2011

It helps a lot..

If you feel ackward about something in yourself, if you are playing with the question whether you are "normal" or not, if you have this self doubt it helps a lot to search for your case in a search engine and see what comes. You will discover that there are more people with your problem and most of them believe there is no reason to worry. You will also read some good reasons why worrying about these stuff is senseless and it's nonsense to say this thing is not "normal". You might read some funny stories too and take it more lightly. There are even some good community sites where you share your curiosities, like Experience Project.

I am not talking about more "serious" stuff like mental disorders but also things that bother someone while they shouldn't be so important. Like searching for "I talk too much with myself, is it normal?". Or the classic "I am xx years old and I don't have a girl/boyfriend". You see all the people worrying, you see the absurdity, but also you see that you are not alone, you see other people taking it lightly, discussing the absurdity, clearing your fears, joking about it, abolishing your old misconceptions. And you see that many people are hiding it. You imagine that the people who one calls "abnormal" are not a minority but could be anyone of us. It could be 20 or 40 percent or all of them. And you see there is a stupid threshold here, so if I do this I am not normal but if I do a bit less of it I am normal? Who defines this thing? Some kind of popular opinion maybe. Why people worry around the net and how much more are those who might worry for the same issues but never got the chance or the strength to write about it?

I have found the answer to all of these questions and my struggle with normality a year or more ago and I keep focused on this new logic. I don't need to defend myself against these ideas of normality. Trying to defend is like trying to find excuses for being different. But this is like accepting that there is something in "being different" that I have to explain. It's like putting myself in a minority while a lot of people who look and play "normal" are the same thing, people with their own needs and properties. I don't need to defend myself, I just need to stay firm to the idea that I am who I am and that's totally acceptable. I just have to see all these not like a serious case but as a hilarious joke. Because it is!

I do it frequently now. Everything that bothers in myself, I make some spontaneous search in the browser, even out of curiosity and I read funny stuff. Every person is unique and so one discusses the "problem" from his/her own view. There is no more ethics of the absolute good/bad. There is a different way of understanding human problems where each individual's point of view matters. This is not only done to make me stop worrying but it's also a life philosophy. The more I dive into this philosophy, the less I can relate to people who are so fucking absolute about their side like everything else is undeniably wrong, yet I love to imagine that I can accept these people too with their annoying but unique elements. Trying to understand the world and be open with every possibility of a human being is a challenge afterall.

p.s. I was looking at the query about talking to myself because I do this a lot even when people can stare at me. There was a funny suggestion from someone. Why don't we make a party with people who talk to themselves? Can you imagine how that will be?! Hahaha!!!

p.p.s. Little fact I forgot to write. Some people have gone to the funny side. Which is to break social norms intentionally. It's also a coursework in some sociology studies which says to go out and break a social norm of your (dis)like and then notice how people react. Learn this, dear people who struggled like me in the past. You could have a laugh instead :P

p.p.p.s. The fight for individuality continues. The road has taken already. My life is different in the inner side. I finally enjoy being who I am :)
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