Wednesday, December 01, 2010

What are excuses?

One of the very popular ideas that makes me mad, is what most people reply to someone who tries to describe his problems and inabilities at specific tasks. Most people say that these are just lame excuses to avoid doing what needs to be done and also that this person is lazy or stupid. It's one of those things that some people believe because they have a preconceived idea that "if something is easy for me then it should be the same easy for everyone, so if someone is not doing this easy task then he must be lazy." and the rest of the people just copy and reproduce this idea in social situations because for some reasons it's appealing or somehow it seems right.

Such ideas are not particularly helpful for those individuals who really suffer from such a disability. This disability could be everything, from autism, anxiety disorders, to problems with lack of concentration or severe procrastination. Everything that reduces your productivity, postpones your goals or hardens common activities significantly compared to the rest of the population. Imagine having to bear with one of these things for life and all that you get to hear is that it's all your fault. Where is the support? How do you expect these people to take life in their hands when you bring them down?

I don't say that one doesn't have to try hard in life. All I say is that if these people for some reason are in such a bad condition then it's not wise to put all the blame to them and one should at least listen to their problems with respect. One might wonder, what if they are imposters, opportunists that want to work less than the rest? And I'd like to answer this: Why someone who could have it the same easy as you (as you claim) would avoid doing what is best for him? What is laziness? What are excuses? If rising up in the morning, making a good diet, stop smoking, trying to become more social, trying to be productive with your own project or studies all tend to bring positive result, then WHY would anyone chose NOT to do them?

If it's the same easy, and being active and not avoiding doing something, would be good for me then why would I be so stupid to play it "lazy" instead? What do I have to win?

The answer is somewhere in the half. I don't deny "excusing" which I would better call "avoiding". Avoiding is the real reason. But why? Because there is a struggle! Because there is fear. There is sensitivity. There are emotions. There are a lot of factors playing a role but these are not the same for every person.

My recent personal view is that I have to understand who I am, review where I suffer and where I am good, observe my current environment and my desired goals and based on all these create an overall view of how I would really like my life to be and estimate how to proceed next at each moment. Understand the struggle though, understand that sometimes I need to push back, accept that I am avoiding, yet depending on what I want to achieve make my own choices. If I decide that one part of my life where I am not good enough is not necessary to persue to be happy (happiness is as I perceive it) then it's only my tell and nobody's else where I should try more and where should I stay back. Thus, I first acknowledge who I am and how I feel, yet I endorse the idea that life is a struggle and one should try hard if he wants to achieve something.

To close with this, some of the more fanatic people who argued with me that I am just excusing claimed that there is no such a thing as "psychological problems" or "disorders" (unless you are in a wheelchair). This is what makes me more mad, to deny that you have a hard time with some part of your life, to not acknowledge anything of your suffering, to think that everyone is similar to them one hundred percent. I just will say it again that "excuses" are there for a reason. Someone is "lazy" because he has a hard time. When someone says he has "psychological problems" there is something wrong with him, at least he might be confused and he can't see the problem. Whenever there is this feeling of suffering, of struggle, of hard times it can't just be excuses without a reason. I don't have a good logical structure to support all these, all I have is my feelings.

p.s. A second part on the same matter will come soon
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