Saturday, October 16, 2010

So, I am back. What now?

It's been two weeks since I came back to Greece. I didn't managed to go very well with my master nor getting a job in the UK which was my primary motive. When I remember this and how things could have been if different decisions were taken it makes me feel pretty much sad. It's a hard struggle to follow but I should remember that this was a decision I made with responsibility and I said I was prepared for the worse.

I should also remember that there is something that I gained from this time, something that is far more important than getting another paper or a job, something that goes on right this time, an internal evolution which is unseen. It is what people cannot see and yet they expect to see external changes in you to understand. Once or two, few people have claimed that I have not changed after so many years at all, yet I know I am quite different in mind than in the past yet I am the same in the core. All they want to see is external changes, especially those they believe are the right ones.

The main thing that I enjoyed in my trip is finally being peaceful and clearing up my mind. A lot of things have changed in the way I see my life and myself. It is still an ongoing process but I have gone through the paradigm shift of how different my emotions could be and I feel confident about that. My understanding is not really that of a simple idea but several concepts transformed in my mind, things that didn't made much sense finally go well together and fit with each other in a way that makes me happier and more content with the facts.

Real life challenges still brings me back to reality though, yet it doesn't mean that all my peace was a fantasy. Since I have lived through the paradigm shift of a different experience, me and myself alone through this enlightenment as I understand it and endorse it, nothing can take it away from me. Even those days where I am back, living with my parents (but not for long), jobless and memories reminding me of failure.

This is a challenging moment and somehow I should love challenges more, it's a motivating thing to make me stronger, to not see this sadness and feeling of failure as an emotion to succumb into, not listen to people that try to remind this to me, but fight as individual because I am a human being too, I should be respected no matter how things have come to be. And first of all I should respect myself. And evolve more.

So, I am back. Maybe not for ever. But as long as I stay here, it is a challenge to make the best out of it, avoid or ignore misery and try to follow the new path of me.

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