Monday, May 18, 2009

A chaotic mind

I was just seeing a friend, who is a lawyer and likes to write essays. He was initially interested to have a look at my blog and at the evening we discussed about my writing style. As expected, I was criticized for my long chaotic texts, a good thing though since I was curious to listen to his advice. Which of course was planning. Another thing I lack.

At the way home, I tried to rethink which is my fitting writing style and how hard it might be to follow a plan. The same might goes for real life. And making a nice plan of what to write or how to run my day is something that I have been thinking and wishing since a long but never actually managed to follow. It is intriguing to me to be able to plan your time or your writing style in such a way to increase productivity and efficiency. But it always fails. How many times have I decided to make a daily plan in order to finish various tasks during the whole day, yet I missed the motivation to follow the plan or even to sit down and actually create it?

There is only one exception in my case. I like organization. I love it. I hate it when people have dozens of random icons and files on their desktop. I only have four at the moment :). Also, in programming I am especially lately an organization freak. I spend days and weeks trying to make a good and strictly organized demo/game framework and even delete everything and start new frameworks from scratch. In this case, I am motivated to create an organized system of code which the computer will follow step by step. In the case of real life it's me who might no have any motivation to follow something strictly by the hour. I mean, I may have different impulses at a specific moments than what my program dictates. Same goes for writing. I just open a new post and let my mind flow and passionately write whatever comes in my mind.

We discussed the idea (one that I like too) that maybe it would be good for once to try setting some rules and a strict text size limitation, trying to express some of the ideas I care about in a smaller and nicely structured text. And that would be in another blog where the post would be more organized on different categories too. That would be a nice idea. Actually I secretly thought about it in the past before we even discussed that. But one thing remains. That I am a chaotic mind. The way I write, the way I actually think and how my impulses (emotion? passion?) control me rather than my logic, shows the above. I have tried several times to act like a robot but I failed. The most interesting to me now, would be to see what more can this say about myself.

I tried to keep this post small, even though I had no planned structure.

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