Sunday, August 17, 2008

Where is all the fun?

Sometimes I watch a demo that is very unprofessional, undesigned, 1999 alike (or 1994 should I say? :), considered crap but I like it. Sometimes I play doom WADs that are technically below average and without much challenging gameplay but they have that something which inspires me on creating my own levels. Yet I read the reviews on Pouet for demos or in doomworld/idgames ftp for WADs and it seems there are some people who take it too seriously. Maybe I am wrong, but it feels like they don't vote based on the fun factor they had while watching/playing, rather than considering whether something on the demo/level is right or wrong. It seems that if rob is jarig gets too much votes, someone needs to thumb it down, no matter if he liked it or not. Maybe in the same way some people feel like having to thumb down some minimalistic demo because of ideology (Ok,. it's not hard to think why most people can't have fun with minimalistic or noise demos :P). In the doom department, someone told me that I am a retarded who votes too high for crap WADs. Maybe I exagerated with Ruba's map but there are some minimalistic level without too much fuzz and detail (while I am a sucker for detail in doom WADs at the same time) that had too inspiring rooms/places and simple yet effective gameplay which I enjoyed more than confusing big levels. I vote based on how I feel during that time, not considering whether something needs more praise or is more close to the definition of art.

Ok, maybe I confused demos/WADs in there, but you can replace it with everything else. Demoscene is the primary thing for me, doom is just an additional hobby. I just asked first myself about fun and where it is, after reading some retarded comments for some doom WADs. In the doom community was this question raised in a greater sense because there is a major difference with the demoscene. People play Doom levels (a game that is almost 15 years old) and then they have the need to be serious critics on WADs and bash everyone else who disagrees. At least the demoscene is an art community and it would make more sense. But doom? We are here to create and play inspiring WADs, not being serious about who releases what crap and if he deserves a little praise or not.

But it is the same. One reason we do it (I mean, the exagerated creative hobby that steals most of our life) is because it's something creative that gives us sense, and then makes us feel important by contributing in the community and getting praise. Some people maybe feel like more important by forming more "serious" looking opinions on the new releases. If it's something seems to be banal or kitsch, regardless if it has some appeal, it should be downvoted because it's not supposed to be "proper art". What do these words really mean anyway? I was listening to some song by Tatu and someone told me that it sucks because it's "commercial" (or "popular"). Who cares? That song has something that makes me love it. And he told me, it sucks because it has that something and everybody loves it while it's not an important song. Who the damn gives a fuck? I mean,. do we listen to the songs or watch demos or do anything because they are considered "important"? Or because we just want to enjoy them???

And this reflects upon my life. Sometimes when I play a game, watch a movie, read a book or meet some people, I do care. I do care too much. I have to finish the damn game, see that movie because it's important, finish the book because I have more to read and I don't feel very literate yet. I go to meet some people because I think I "have to" be social. Somebody seems to worry because I have not done "the most important" thing, getting a girlfriend. I am almost 30. This is crazy! But I feel like caring less than him. If girls and sex are the most beautiful aspects of life, if it's the most natural thing in the world or the human psyche, then why am I oblidged to do it, why should I be scared, why should I be extremely anxious? Something doesn't make sense here..

I think that to keep asking myself the same question each time I see loosing the balance of my emotions is a good think to do. Where is all the fun? Why are we doing things because we must and not because we like them? Why girls had to become such a nasty thing for us few unfortunate, something that makes us struggle just by the thought of it instead of being natural pleasure? Why do sceners watch demos and get serious and dissatisfied by the latest releases or argue so much about what should be right and what wrong on the scene? Why WAD critics (some have never created a doom level or just retired from activity) take it too seriously when it's just a damn game? Why should I drink coffee and act in the expected way, be "social" in the way I am supposed to and not naturally social? Don't speak to me about what's natural and what is retarded as it seems that we have lost the meaning of fun. Sometimes I am wondering about those people driving succesful lives, whether this is really their thing or they do pretend to be "successful" without really liking it? At least if not most of them then some of them might be this way.

There is no meaning in my preaching. It's just some speculations. This post (and maybe most of my older rants in my blog) are primarily written so that I remind myself of how things might be and in what delusion do I live in. Maybe the hard critics really enjoy doing it. Maybe what is boring for me is fun for other people. Maybe it doesn't work the same way for everyone of us. Maybe I just avoid blaming anyone with these final words. At the end, I believe that fun is not universal but what might be still true is that several of us are oppressed to live based on what is considered right and not what we really enjoy. And then we tend to pass the same critics to other people, because it's supposed to be the right thing. And we forget what is truly natural for each of us.

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