Saturday, April 19, 2008

Moving Forward

I haven't been able to write anything new in this blog for a long time. Not with my current remaining free time..

Several things have changed in my life recently. When I finished with the greek army and having already acquired a university diploma in mathematics, I wondered what is coming next. There were some plans for studing abroad but for some reasons I abandoned them. And of course I could just move on to the next step, finding a job. Actually I wasn't sure what I really wanted to do with my life. I am still not sure, but I am more content with the current situation even if I have to accepts some things. Afterall it's much better than sitting around and doing nothing.

Yes, I got a job! And a good one. It was unexpected totally. I was scared of job interviews and there was some great fear pushing me back. I thought that even if I get this job I would be scared of being fired and having to go through all this again. I felt it was senseless.

The greatest news are not that I got the job but the confidence that I gained. I wasn't expecting that. I was expecting a chronic anxiety just like in every other aspect in my life. When they tell me to be social or go catch up with that girl I am scared like shit. No matter if it's not logical. They suggest that if I try hard and get used to it, it won't be the same scary the next time. But I feel like I have tried and it's always the same. I thought the same about the job interview and even being anxious about not producing at work. Though I am so confident that even if I get fired one day I won't get into despair, but I will have the confidence to try something else (and the required job experience in this case too).

I am very happy about this because I won't have to be anxious about preserving my current job position. I like in this one to be fortune-seeker, I'd like to move to another job (even to another place or job speciality/domain), that would be the optimal best for me I think. I don't want to stay in one job for the rest of my life and being afraid of loosing my position. I don't seek for a steady job. Though if my initial fear was preserved I might have wished for this one. But something very good happened and I feel very confident that I can allow to myself to be a job fortune-seeker in the future.

As for the essence of my job, I am working as a C++ programmer debugging MFC applications used in embroidery industry. The company were I am working is located in Thessaloniki and if I got it right, it's a subsidiary company of a canadian company specialized in creating embroidery software. The work environment is very good and so are the people. I am quite satisfied by the payment and hopefully I will be able to rent a home quite soon and feel more independent.

One think that I have to get used to though is waking up early in the morning to go to work (which from my home is like walking for 10 minutes, waiting for the bus and then walking for another 15 minutes) and then going back home after 17:00 o'clock. But that's how a usual 8 hours job is. I just don't have much time left when I am back home at 18:00 (I go on feet :). And so I also have to sleep early in the night (like 24:00 not 05:00 anymore ;). But when I do sleep a little later at 1:30-2:00 because I want to watch the X-files, I need to drink some red bull at job (I don't like coffee :P). Hehe,. I'll get used to it.

Another issue would be whether I will have any time or motivation to coding for a hobby. The good news is that I seem to have. And maybe it grows stronger!

First of all, I discovered something funny. When I arrive home from job and there are like few hours left for coding (except from other real life activities) I tend to be more productive than in the end of the week where I have 24 hours free for me. I mean that when the end of Friday comes, I am thinking that I have two whole days for coding or doing anything creative, but I don't do anything. I am more productive when I have few hours. Maybe I am just appreciating my time when it's not much? (Which is great because during those few hours in the rest of my day I started a raycaster engine, a voxel engine and a X86 emulator and quite more little stuff but in the weekend I just went out with friends or done nothing on my PC :)

Second, being a programmer at work didn't make me hate my coding hobby or something. Some people told me that their friends who used to programm as a hobby, lost totally their motivation when they got a job as a programmer. To programm for 8 hours and then go back home and continue programming, it's kind like a suicide they say. But what I am programming at home and the way I do it (Like planning my own project, coding for something I had in my mind) is quite different than in my job (debugging someone else's application, maybe writting a new application from scratch (in the future?) which I have not planned/dreamed for though). It's like not doing the same thing at all. So it doesn't seem to affect me. My brother says that it's like I was having a job to collect garbage in the city and when I return back home I continue collecting garbage :). Another friend said it better: "The difference between a real programmer and a code monkey is this: Real programmers continue writting code at home after they finish their daily programming job!". Hehe :)

That's great! I thought I would have lost it if I got a job. I just need to get used to the 8 hours job and sleep a bit earlier.

A lot of things have changed. By getting 1100 euros per month I will be able to travel to a lot of demoparties in the Summer, rent a home soon, buy the hardware I always dreamed of and way more stuff. The most important is that I am moving forward and managed to erradicate my fears. I wasn't expecting to achieve this..
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