Drink is nice. It still teaches me things. Unlike smoking which I still don't get. I try a bunch but don't get it. That's better for me.
Why do I feel different? I guess because alcohol affects the brain chemistry but that's a common answer. Well, what do I want to listen? Maybe why do I suck so much without alcohol? I guess because my brain chemistry is different. And why it's not the same with others? Maybe because others brain chemistry is different than mine. Simple as that!
Ok,. I am just drunken and I write whatever comes in my mind. And this will be a random post (without even a plan).
When I am drunken, I have a great feeling and urge to call some old friends in my mobile, even those I don't know very well. Why does it only happen when under the influence of alcohol? Why isn't it regular to want to phone friends when I am not drunken, in sober situations? And why still I don't feel that there is some fear, but some indiferrence instead?
It's like I don't care. Other people feel they are lonely, I don't care about loneliness. This feeling neither occures when drunken but a nice feeling that I can phone some friends for no apparent reason occures. But it's not that I need to do that, it just comes. Is it maybe the feeling that I can without a reason? Just for fun?
Actually I phone them and I tell them I am drunken and we talk. Just for no apparent reason..
And yet when I am drunken, I talk with my friends about things that matter me and I feel different about them than when I am sober. Old news.
And then I return back home to swift from one situation to the other. I start listening to the misery in my family, I mean their miserable monologues expressing their anxiety about my life. And I become the same miserable being. Is it true that my parents have affected myself so much? That I hide one deadly serious self and a funny crazy one?
This pisses me off. And the time ends here in the netcafe. I just want to write now more about these shit..
It pisses me off.
Maybe I could just listen to what drink has to say to me. Afteralls I am not really an alcoholic, I don't drink everyday, maybe once a week or once a month, because rare social occasions permit this to me. But when I drink, I do it for that different feeling and the fun and experimentation of it.
p.s. But I am optimistic because I learn more. And I had a nice time today! :)