Monday, September 10, 2007

Something I've just learned.

Things don't work very well for you when you are too honest. Acting is very beneficial most of the times. Very few things seem to be true in our society. Since the beginning of civilization we've tried to describe everything with words. All our ideas, our perception, our views, our beliefs, our thoughts were build upon each other since the beginning of time. Everything is just a huge pile of imaginary beliefs. We needed some common references in order to be able to communicate.

Socialiazation is based upon this scheme. It's not necessary connected with what really is there. Some of these "imaginary" might actually hold a piece of the truth, however it doesn't seem that anybody really cares about unfolding what is real while socializing. Some of it's functions is to present your beliefs (yourself), try to get along by converging with everyone's opinion (which is sometimes ok however because everyone holds his own truth on things), arguing about things for other reasons than what people think. Someone should not take things too seriously because socialization is not driven by the urge to find what is actually there but what people wish to hear, combining words and ideas to what feelings/effects they have on them, some quotes and beliefs spoken are too general and also differently perceived by each of us, at the end we just wish to feel comfortable among people and have fun. Ideas and beliefs are just that. Not to be taken seriously.

My mistake is that I take things seriously. Everything has to make sense. I have to analyze things harshly, being accurate on what things are supposed to mean (especially those that matter me), being too doubtful, organizing ideas perfectly in my mind. Everything has to make perfect sense. Whenever I meet a popular idea that felt so wrong I become furious. No matter how wrong it may feel to me, since it is popular it is generally accepted for the sake of socialization. Because it's not based on truth rather than the feeling someone agrees with the average person's beliefs so he/she is normal/ok. It's not just about socialization but also about all the ideas that become criticism against my way of life. I took them seriously while I shouldn't. Then why am I puzzled?

You know why? Because there is a big contradiction here. If people spoke to me honestly it could be different. Come and say: "You know, beliefs are imaginary. We don't really mean it. It's all ideas that we once defined in order to help us relate to what we call reality. We just want to show off. I just have to recite a popular belief that sounds true whether or not anybody can prove it or else everyone will think I am not the cool guy. It's a damn game, don't take it seriously!". But sometimes people speak to me in a way that I feel they take these things seriously.

I think people are living between two worlds as much as I do. There is a need to define things and base beliefs upon popular beliefs. But there comes also the need to just be cool and have fun. There are no rules really in sociability rather than the need to feel confident and show off, and being honest or doubtful (which is primary to discover some hidden facts that are shadowed by the accepted beliefs) is not an option. People can contradict in their discussion and not care. When I contradict I can't handle it. I mean, I do too (everyone does), it just kills my self esteem. I can't get away from it. I feel like I need to justify things perfectly or else I am lost. But things are subjective really, they are just ideas/beliefs. Some people though make me believe they are serious and contradict themselves but don't show this last fact openly. There is where I am lost and wonder.

For example, yes I agree that you need to not be so serious in life and take some things lightly. Most people tell me things like "Carpe Diem", etc. To take things lightly in other words. Some of the same people also approach me to criticize my life in a way that hurts. Sometimes they consider even my most innocent yet strange curiosities as a problem. And then I am taking their words seriously because they are presented in a serious way to me! Carpe Diem is lost? If some of my weird habits that make people look strange at me are not much of a harm, then why should I suddenly get sad and think something is wrong with me. Some people who like to play cool and recite "carpe diem" beliefs, are actually the same they make hard critics on me for no apparent reason. At first they agree to the general popular idea that "I should be/accept myself and just take things lightly" while at the same time they feel the strong urge to alert me how bad something is about my life and that "I MUST try in life (as they point that something must be definitely wrong with me). Trying to be the way THEY want?", yet another popular belief they also have to recite.

BE yourself yet TRY. Maybe it's ok for someone to tell me to try. Maybe he doesn't mean it too harshly. However when someone tells me to TRY (and insists telling me that I MUST), I receive the emotion of ALERT about myself, that he suddenly get serious, more serious than I sometimes am concerning my case. He shows me that there is a SERIOUS problem with me that he HAS to tell me because I may not notice it and it's REALLY SERIOUS to discuss it with me or else I will become 40 and stare back at a lost life. Why don't you just tell me: "Hey Optimus! You are a funny character. There is nothing bad with you. No problems. You have no girlfriend, you live with your parents, it must be hard for you but someday things will get better and you shouldn't push yourself too much with that. You are asocial, hooked to your hobbies, sometimes wishing to stay alone but this is just your type not mine or anyone else's. You look weird, it's nothing worse than just funny because it's different. Who fucking cares anyways?". Or something like that anyways and also point out some examples of what kind of lies are making me worry for the wrong reasons. I am anxious because of a bunch of lies that sometimes people take lightly but sometimes they inflict the pain on you by criticizing you based on these beliefs.

My mistake was that I took all these believes seriously. Because people weren't always funny and well being. Because people were playing between two boards, they weren't always serious or always carpe diem. It just depends on their case. So I mostly thought that people really mean it. And if I ask them now they will deny "that they do", yet in another occasion they'll reply exactly the opposite (whatever favors them best at any given time). And sometimes they will be cryptic and wonder around several points, like "I wasn't meaning exactly that, yet I meaned this but you should also this, etc.." because "being nice and just have a time" is a very popular idea while "Getting serious and doing things in life as they MUST be done" is yet another popular belief as opposed to the popular belief that some people are just lazy/not trying enough (Which is yet another myth I'd like to discuss in another blog post). These are all popular beliefs that are frequently exchanged for the sake of socialization while regularly contradicting each other, yet nobody wants to notice.

I'd say we are just schizophrenic. Hey! Don't take it harsh, I don't mean it. It's just an idea. Imaginary remember? (Now you see how much do I contradict :)

Don't get me wrong. I don't say that whatever is imaginary is wrong. I just like to emphasize that whatever we discuss, whatever we believe in, whatever we argue about, whatever disagreement has brought wars and pain, whatever opinion has brought stupid flames on the net, everything I write here, are just beliefs based on beliefs. Even if I try to get away from beliefs, my whole perception on things and the feelings that words bring to me are elements of the past which are based on how we decided to define things back then. It started from the day that the human mind decided to give a name to that object that is called "tree" so that he has a reference for the needs of communication, went on in order to define more abstract things like "justice", "good", "bad", "meaning", "life" and "normal" till we reached today, though everything is based on our own definitions. For the universe things aren't "good" or "bad" or "wrong". They just are.

So it's in our human nature to define or base on previous definitions. It's not right or wrong. All of them are OUR IDEAS about the things. Not the truth (if there is such a thing). Several ideas conflict. Everyone has his own ideas. Several of them converge in what we call common beliefs. Others are too extreme for the most. There are wars, disagreements, pain, sorrow, negative feelings, even those stupid internet conflicts because someone was too furious about your ideas. Crazy! All this pain, all this anxiety, all this stupidity just because of some imaginary thing that we defined. And yet some people tell me to take things lightly yet they argue strongly on some ideas. But it's in our nature. The human mind does it. And sometimes we NEED to have an opinion on things when we socialize with others. People argue about the most abstract things at times like whether the soul exists or what the meaning of life is. Look! I am doing it by writting this blog too. I can't avoid being opinionless. It's not so bad afterall..

With my words, I just want to make people aware of the imaginary of ideas. And yet present the contradictions in these ideas which nobody cared as much as me though because some people are serious about only a portion of the truth which just needs to sound nice and be popular to the people around. He doesn't care about the whole. I was to vain to care. Yet, even if these ideas are imaginary and even one of these ideas also told me to not take things seriously, some people contradict by trying to force their specific beliefs against my way of life. If I ask someone why does he insist with these thoughts, he tells me that he is just trying to help or he is not really harsh at me yet at the same time he changes his mood into forcing me into things because he suddenly is alerted that something is not wrong and I need to be told. Confusing..

People contradict. They are not straight and to the point. Whoever would try to seriously study things trying to make some sense of all this contracting chaos,would definitely fail. I did so. How would I be so foolish to think that I would find a true answer inside the imaginary we have created? The answer was that everything is just a game where people try to balance between taking things lightly in life while maintaining some serious beliefs. And because that doesn't make any sense, the way to play the game and succeed is to just be an actor. I doubt if being honest atleast to yourself if not at all would work very well here. You must not think that things contradict, everything is simple and fine and you are great too. Well,. it's nice to think that you are great and not have your second self making you doubt. I think most people are actors and that's why society works in a similar way because it's in their nature. I think that it's also in my nature to overanalyze and take things seriously, it's in my nature to want to organize thoughts and try to make sense out of everything, it was in my nature but that was conflicting with the way of life in our society. Nothing is right or wrong however. Things just are.

This post was based on the ideas I have been discussing with James. I think that since the beginning of forming the idea of everything I have written about the imaginary, thinking about it and our contradictions helped me a bit whenever someone tried to criticise me harshly about things. I have seen that negative emotions are feeling less harsh when I concentrate on the idea while someone tries to inflict sadness on me through his beliefs. Whatever he or everyone says are just ideas. They just never told me that. How would they be able to make me feel sad without a real problem if they were honest about their lies? It's not beneficial for them. Stupid ignorant sneaky bastards! :P

And when they change attitude by telling me that they didn't really mean to be harsh or they just want to help me, in order to surprise and confuse me, I will agree with an ironic grin and just go on with my own "wrong", "stupid", "lazy" and "ugly" way of life, since when nobody really means anything and things need to be taken lightly, the only way is to just don't give a damn fuck to those hypocrites and follow my own imaginary ideas on life :/

Ok,. this went too far! Oh, I have news about you. Things like "hypocrisy" or "egoism" don't really exist. I would like to show you how "hypocritical" or "egoistic" is someone when he calls anyone else these names. That for another post ;)

I don't mean anything eh? All imaginary! We get along well eh? Hahaha!!!



What I have really learned out of all these is something even more funny than the whole stupid illusion itself!

The best thing and true friend in my world is alcohol itself!!111oneone

Because it's the only thing that honestly and clearly told to my brain: "Hey Michael! Wake up!!! Things are imaginary. Everything is a lie ;)"



friol said...

Optimus, reading a white on total black post is really hard, more than ever if the post is so long.
Why don't you think about changing the template?

Optimus said...

I don't know. I like black so I will keep it :P

xtro said...

Keep it white letters on black background, Green letters would be even better.

As for the post, the point is that socializing is just the genetic herritage of monkey flocks, the language and the bonds of society lie on top of imaginery ideas, the ideas wich people fail to be coherent with. You cannot be compatible with society. And after analyzing and analyzing all these the conclusion is again "There is no real meaning of life".

If this is the post all about, it seems that i agree. i have to add that those imaginery ideas reflect real necessities anticipation and insecurities which originate from the human core: instict delight. We can discuss on this if you want. Of course this concludes again to "no real meaning". It suprises me that the absence of any real meaning of life is not trivial for most people, but it is explainable.

friol said...

White text on black background is less readable than for example black on white, specially on long texts, and studies confirm that.

But also line lenght and line spacing count. Studies say that a line lenght of 95 chars is best.

I would take that into account; otherwise most of the visitors would stop reading the article halfway...

Optimus said...

Ok. Thanks for the advice.

I am just not sure if I am willing to change it right now. I just wouldn't like a white as a personal choice.

Optimus said...

And because whether I have many readers or not is the last thing I seem to care about. (If I would, my texts would be much smaller and comprehensive. I just seem writting as it comes out of me (so the black color template also comes closer to the mood of my texts) without caring. I am sorry I don't think about changing the template but thanks anyways for the suggestion.

Optimus said...

xtro: Thanks for the interesting answer. Something stupid just happened and I lost the text I was writting as a reply for half an hour or so and so I will reply maybe tomorrow because it drove me mad now :P

Optimus said...

xtro: True about the first paragraph, even though I also express my worry about my mistake to try to make sense of things as if people's responses and ideas were accurate enough or they did cared. This leaves me to another point wondering whether I should go on analyzing things and trying to find what lies beneath or just live my life (which is my big dillema now that I'd really like to write something about soon). It's my frustration not about the way things work which is normal but my obsession to find the truth in a world which does not work based on this. That's another reason why my post becomes big, I ruminate and ruminate about the incompatibility of my obsession of finding what is really there, to the indifferent way people think and communicate.

The second paragraph is interesting. I haven't concluded much of what you say even though I sometimes discuss this with James. Personally I am still not sure what is the reason behind the way most people think and act. It's still something that I want to research. So I can't answer yet whether it's what you say but could you explain it a bit more in detail or give some examples? We can discuss it either here or send me an email to if you want.

James said...

It's as clear as black and white and yet white on black is less clear to many than black on white. I find it difficult to read because I am not used to reading white on black and I become more tired, but I do not know whether it is because of the white on black or that white on black forces me to read more carefully. I am sensed I am reading something strange and if I want to understand it I have to work or participate in it.

When I select it and copy it into Word I can get my comfortable black on white view. Humans would be barbarians without their delusions and therefore Aristotle was observing actuality when he call mankind a political animal or the deluded species. Delusions keep the peace until they fall into stasis as Thucydides clearly observes. He does not believe in politics, but he does see its necessity.

Meaning is an arrangement of logoi that resonate with one's unrealistic desires and to say the is not real meaning is like saying there is no god....just say it requires there be meaning and a god.

However, even if most people need a reason for being, this does not mean that life is senseless without meaning--rather it merely means that life is not nearly as controllable like we would like it to be and therefore rather than facing up to this we opt to believe in logic and meaning and so long as we have peace and plenty things are fine because our logoi do not clash, but when things get tight, then things fall apart. Such is life and what is death but falling apart (:-)

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