Socialiazation is based upon this scheme. It's not necessary connected with what really is there. Some of these "imaginary" might actually hold a piece of the truth, however it doesn't seem that anybody really cares about unfolding what is real while socializing. Some of it's functions is to present your beliefs (yourself), try to get along by converging with everyone's opinion (which is sometimes ok however because everyone holds his own truth on things), arguing about things for other reasons than what people think. Someone should not take things too seriously because socialization is not driven by the urge to find what is actually there but what people wish to hear, combining words and ideas to what feelings/effects they have on them, some quotes and beliefs spoken are too general and also differently perceived by each of us, at the end we just wish to feel comfortable among people and have fun. Ideas and beliefs are just that. Not to be taken seriously.
My mistake is that I take things seriously. Everything has to make sense. I have to analyze things harshly, being accurate on what things are supposed to mean (especially those that matter me), being too doubtful, organizing ideas perfectly in my mind. Everything has to make perfect sense. Whenever I meet a popular idea that felt so wrong I become furious. No matter how wrong it may feel to me, since it is popular it is generally accepted for the sake of socialization. Because it's not based on truth rather than the feeling someone agrees with the average person's beliefs so he/she is normal/ok. It's not just about socialization but also about all the ideas that become criticism against my way of life. I took them seriously while I shouldn't. Then why am I puzzled?
You know why? Because there is a big contradiction here. If people spoke to me honestly it could be different. Come and say: "You know, beliefs are imaginary. We don't really mean it. It's all ideas that we once defined in order to help us relate to what we call reality. We just want to show off. I just have to recite a popular belief that sounds true whether or not anybody can prove it or else everyone will think I am not the cool guy. It's a damn game, don't take it seriously!". But sometimes people speak to me in a way that I feel they take these things seriously.
I think people are living between two worlds as much as I do. There is a need to define things and base beliefs upon popular beliefs. But there comes also the need to just be cool and have fun. There are no rules really in sociability rather than the need to feel confident and show off, and being honest or doubtful (which is primary to discover some hidden facts that are shadowed by the accepted beliefs) is not an option. People can contradict in their discussion and not care. When I contradict I can't handle it. I mean, I do too (everyone does), it just kills my self esteem. I can't get away from it. I feel like I need to justify things perfectly or else I am lost. But things are subjective really, they are just ideas/beliefs. Some people though make me believe they are serious and contradict themselves but don't show this last fact openly. There is where I am lost and wonder.
For example, yes I agree that you need to not be so serious in life and take some things lightly. Most people tell me things like "Carpe Diem", etc. To take things lightly in other words. Some of the same people also approach me to criticize my life in a way that hurts. Sometimes they consider even my most innocent yet strange curiosities as a problem. And then I am taking their words seriously because they are presented in a serious way to me! Carpe Diem is lost? If some of my weird habits that make people look strange at me are not much of a harm, then why should I suddenly get sad and think something is wrong with me. Some people who like to play cool and recite "carpe diem" beliefs, are actually the same they make hard critics on me for no apparent reason. At first they agree to the general popular idea that "I should be/accept myself and just take things lightly" while at the same time they feel the strong urge to alert me how bad something is about my life and that "I MUST try in life (as they point that something must be definitely wrong with me). Trying to be the way THEY want?", yet another popular belief they also have to recite.
BE yourself yet TRY. Maybe it's ok for someone to tell me to try. Maybe he doesn't mean it too harshly. However when someone tells me to TRY (and insists telling me that I MUST), I receive the emotion of ALERT about myself, that he suddenly get serious, more serious than I sometimes am concerning my case. He shows me that there is a SERIOUS problem with me that he HAS to tell me because I may not notice it and it's REALLY SERIOUS to discuss it with me or else I will become 40 and stare back at a lost life. Why don't you just tell me: "Hey Optimus! You are a funny character. There is nothing bad with you. No problems. You have no girlfriend, you live with your parents, it must be hard for you but someday things will get better and you shouldn't push yourself too much with that. You are asocial, hooked to your hobbies, sometimes wishing to stay alone but this is just your type not mine or anyone else's. You look weird, it's nothing worse than just funny because it's different. Who fucking cares anyways?". Or something like that anyways and also point out some examples of what kind of lies are making me worry for the wrong reasons. I am anxious because of a bunch of lies that sometimes people take lightly but sometimes they inflict the pain on you by criticizing you based on these beliefs.
My mistake was that I took all these believes seriously. Because people weren't always funny and well being. Because people were playing between two boards, they weren't always serious or always carpe diem. It just depends on their case. So I mostly thought that people really mean it. And if I ask them now they will deny "that they do", yet in another occasion they'll reply exactly the opposite (whatever favors them best at any given time). And sometimes they will be cryptic and wonder around several points, like "I wasn't meaning exactly that, yet I meaned this but you should also this, etc.." because "being nice and just have a time" is a very popular idea while "Getting serious and doing things in life as they MUST be done" is yet another popular belief as opposed to the popular belief that some people are just lazy/not trying enough (Which is yet another myth I'd like to discuss in another blog post). These are all popular beliefs that are frequently exchanged for the sake of socialization while regularly contradicting each other, yet nobody wants to notice.
I'd say we are just schizophrenic. Hey! Don't take it harsh, I don't mean it. It's just an idea. Imaginary remember? (Now you see how much do I contradict :)
Don't get me wrong. I don't say that whatever is imaginary is wrong. I just like to emphasize that whatever we discuss, whatever we believe in, whatever we argue about, whatever disagreement has brought wars and pain, whatever opinion has brought stupid flames on the net, everything I write here, are just beliefs based on beliefs. Even if I try to get away from beliefs, my whole perception on things and the feelings that words bring to me are elements of the past which are based on how we decided to define things back then. It started from the day that the human mind decided to give a name to that object that is called "tree" so that he has a reference for the needs of communication, went on in order to define more abstract things like "justice", "good", "bad", "meaning", "life" and "normal" till we reached today, though everything is based on our own definitions. For the universe things aren't "good" or "bad" or "wrong". They just are.
So it's in our human nature to define or base on previous definitions. It's not right or wrong. All of them are OUR IDEAS about the things. Not the truth (if there is such a thing). Several ideas conflict. Everyone has his own ideas. Several of them converge in what we call common beliefs. Others are too extreme for the most. There are wars, disagreements, pain, sorrow, negative feelings, even those stupid internet conflicts because someone was too furious about your ideas. Crazy! All this pain, all this anxiety, all this stupidity just because of some imaginary thing that we defined. And yet some people tell me to take things lightly yet they argue strongly on some ideas. But it's in our nature. The human mind does it. And sometimes we NEED to have an opinion on things when we socialize with others. People argue about the most abstract things at times like whether the soul exists or what the meaning of life is. Look! I am doing it by writting this blog too. I can't avoid being opinionless. It's not so bad afterall..
With my words, I just want to make people aware of the imaginary of ideas. And yet present the contradictions in these ideas which nobody cared as much as me though because some people are serious about only a portion of the truth which just needs to sound nice and be popular to the people around. He doesn't care about the whole. I was to vain to care. Yet, even if these ideas are imaginary and even one of these ideas also told me to not take things seriously, some people contradict by trying to force their specific beliefs against my way of life. If I ask someone why does he insist with these thoughts, he tells me that he is just trying to help or he is not really harsh at me yet at the same time he changes his mood into forcing me into things because he suddenly is alerted that something is not wrong and I need to be told. Confusing..
People contradict. They are not straight and to the point. Whoever would try to seriously study things trying to make some sense of all this contracting chaos,would definitely fail. I did so. How would I be so foolish to think that I would find a true answer inside the imaginary we have created? The answer was that everything is just a game where people try to balance between taking things lightly in life while maintaining some serious beliefs. And because that doesn't make any sense, the way to play the game and succeed is to just be an actor. I doubt if being honest atleast to yourself if not at all would work very well here. You must not think that things contradict, everything is simple and fine and you are great too. Well,. it's nice to think that you are great and not have your second self making you doubt. I think most people are actors and that's why society works in a similar way because it's in their nature. I think that it's also in my nature to overanalyze and take things seriously, it's in my nature to want to organize thoughts and try to make sense out of everything, it was in my nature but that was conflicting with the way of life in our society. Nothing is right or wrong however. Things just are.
This post was based on the ideas I have been discussing with James. I think that since the beginning of forming the idea of everything I have written about the imaginary, thinking about it and our contradictions helped me a bit whenever someone tried to criticise me harshly about things. I have seen that negative emotions are feeling less harsh when I concentrate on the idea while someone tries to inflict sadness on me through his beliefs. Whatever he or everyone says are just ideas. They just never told me that. How would they be able to make me feel sad without a real problem if they were honest about their lies? It's not beneficial for them. Stupid ignorant sneaky bastards! :P
And when they change attitude by telling me that they didn't really mean to be harsh or they just want to help me, in order to surprise and confuse me, I will agree with an ironic grin and just go on with my own "wrong", "stupid", "lazy" and "ugly" way of life, since when nobody really means anything and things need to be taken lightly, the only way is to just don't give a damn fuck to those hypocrites and follow my own imaginary ideas on life :/
Ok,. this went too far! Oh, I have news about you. Things like "hypocrisy" or "egoism" don't really exist. I would like to show you how "hypocritical" or "egoistic" is someone when he calls anyone else these names. That for another post ;)
I don't mean anything eh? All imaginary! We get along well eh? Hahaha!!!
What I have really learned out of all these is something even more funny than the whole stupid illusion itself!
The best thing and true friend in my world is alcohol itself!!111oneone
Because it's the only thing that honestly and clearly told to my brain: "Hey Michael! Wake up!!! Things are imaginary. Everything is a lie ;)"