Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Memorial

I wanted to write this since a long time ago. Something about an almost friend who left the world exactly 4 years ago. It is about someone I first met only a month before learning the news about his death, a person with whose problems and worries I felt familiar but it was too late to know him more and discuss our concerns since things have happened so fast and unexpectedly. We even exchanged our addresses during the last meeting he organized at his home in Athens and then I decided to exchange CPC demos with him through mailswapping and also learn some news from his side. I sent him a letter first but never got a reply. I only learned the reason later.



Catloc was one of the earliest sceners in the greek CPC scene. He has produced over 30 CPC demos since 1992. What I can remember is his excessive enthousiasm about the CPC and it's demos as well as his instant mood swings concerning the scene and his life. There were times he left the scene for a long period as he felt there was something wrong with it or maybe he couldn't find happines there. Whatever the reason was, everything I know about him comes out from the greek CPC diskmags of that era, years before I even joined the scene. I felt there was something familiar with his and my own worries, especially during the times I was reading his interview and stories about the greek CPC scene in the diskmags.



Catloc felt almost like a friend. What I mean is, I didn't managed to know him very well and befriend from the very first CPC meeting, but I had that familiar feeling even before meeting him when I first read some articles regarding him in the CPC diskmags of the 95-96 era. I specifically remember in one of his interview, while bitter, he begged for something else than computers from the scene (I found the text: What was you relationships with the scene? Computerized.). I didn't took that reply that time as an annoying tease about geeks who need to get a life or something (as my typical reaction would be). But as an ask for something different from his scene friends. He was deep into his own problems and all that he got at that time from the greek CPC scene was at best computers. I remember that CPC sceners went all kiddy and teasing each other at the time (well mostly people like Catloc, JFMC and Sotsoft were teased). At least that's what I remember from the stories I was reading in greek CPC diskmags of the time. Ok, maybe that was just fun, sceners were small and clueless, and I am not here to put any blame (I don't think blame should be put in general anyways). I just wanted to mention what I was seeing on Catloc that period and what he didn't received from the scene..



When I've learned about his death, I made a plan to make a CPC demo dedicated to him. It's practice on the scene sometimes. I wished to code it because of the familiarity I felt with his side of what he was seeking from the scene, with his mood swings, his absence from the scene at times, so much familiarity with my disappointments in the scene at that time, even though we were still different in several aspects. Above is a small part of what I never managed to finish (It was going to be called "A late goodbye" and that's because it was already a delayed project, already 4 years have passed since the time so I am not sure it would make a sense to release this today).

I didn't even learned exactly the causes of his death. It wasn't a suicide. It was something more sad. What I learned is that he died in the psychiatric hospital but I don't know under what cause. And maybe I won't like to find out and just leave it rest.



And yet, during the days I was planning to write this, I've learned about the unfortunate death of another scener. This time he was someone from Germany I met one or two times in a demoparty and communicated through email once. It was Crest, famous for his organizing of demoshows in demoparties and his website with articles about the scene. He was one of the most humble and honest people I have ever met. While I never knew him really, I feel some sympathy about him. He has committed suicide by jumping from a bridge crossing Rhine. You can read some of his thoughts here (written 6 years ago).



RIP.

3 comments:

James said...

Your blog has become sensible and healthy--I am amazed at how different your blogs have ste since the first one I read--by Jove I think you've got it.

James said...

not ste but been

Pixie said...

I am so sorry about your friend :(

Locations of visitors to this page