No, no, I am just kidding. I really like that she did it =)
So, this is the pyramidoid game (No connection to that pyramidoid shit that if you don't oblige to, your soul will be taken and shit ;P) where you say 5 things about yourself and put the request on 5 other bloggers to make the same. So, you learn things that you didn't know about other people whose blogs you were reading since a long. I really enjoyed writting the things below.
- I can't remember anything about my personality before my 18. Maybe I didn't have one. Iirc I was too closed to myself, too afraid, too shy, not into any activity, neither into listening music (When they asked me what music I listen to, I hated that question!), going to cafeterias, cinemas as most people did nor into other things, even though I wanted to get into some of these things but a great force, some kind of a universal shame/anxiety about everything (My OCD explains it for me) kept me from actually being anything. And so only at 18 I've choosen to be a programmer in the demoscene and that defined me then. But my excessive passion and unrealistic dreams killed me and I was the mockery of the scene chasing female scene girls since a long. I have gone through a lot of dissapointments that would put someone into a killing shame. Maybe other things inside the family killed me and didn't let me take things easilly though..
- Demoscene was not my biggest focus. Whenever I could feel my struggle in every day life (even though I couldn't know it's roots then) I know that people can't understand me. And suddenly I made up the idea that knowledge would release me. The great idea that I should focus into searching deeper into the truth about my life, myself, my struggle, why people behave like this plus several other similar matters, was craved into my head. That was it! Today, what I call analyzing, philosophizing, meditating (even if these sound a bit dull the way I say them :P) is my central focus in life. More than computers :) And the use is to help people who cannot be understood, to show a different perception of the world problems to the people, to change the way people think and react. Knowledge for justice. I know, my ambition is quite unrealistic and someone would say "Who do you think you are? Nietzsche? Jesus? Duh!!! ;P" but it's just me. And I even had some passionate (and tiring) lonely walks talking about all these things for hours. Ouch! (But I know I have to go on with this and I won't hear any objection from anyone ;PPP)
- I need my solitude. I like to take lonely walks at night in the city. And when I do this, I keep talking to myself in various kinds of atmospheres, either dead walking and slow talking, mysterious, feelingful, dreaming, hoping or furious, cursing and fast walking. Too much passion and too much things to analyze to myself so that he finally doesn't doubt about them, too much energy spend but I don't regret the process of it. It's just me! Sometimes a little burst of shame goes through about why am I doing that, but in my reactive nature I wonder why shouldn't I. And I think my shame is just an idea inserted in my mind by society even though it still feels hard. Maybe I wouldn't like to see myself doing that, while outside of my body. I don't know if you can see me at nights. Sometimes I feel like a fool but that's just me..
- Yet again, I could write way more about my weird nature in here. It would take me 15 bulletins to talk about each issue separately. But I will do here shortly by telling you that I am simply weird and I struggled with the thought that I am not normal since ever. Only recently I started liking myself and even knowing the reasons behind what I am. One central explanation behind various traits of me is that I am actually suffering from the Pure-O form of OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder). I am strange in so many ways but now I can know the reasons behind this and actually learn to love myself :)
- I am 27 and still a virgin. This is the one fact I was quite doubtful about writting here. But I broke because I think it's nothing I should be ashamed for. This is the one I struggled more talking about and I hated the question whether I have a girlfriend. I didn't struggle much by the fact that I don't have a girlfriend but with the thought of what people might think. And I find quite ridiculous what people think about people like me. I am here to fight the stereotypes behind this subject. And maybe find my soulmate too oneday.
So, here it goes over and the advent of beer makes me write about things I know I won't be ashamed of even if I was sober now. Oh, common! I really hate the things humans have put in my head. Shame is just a joke. The idea that I am just revolting by opening out things that aren't so important to be ashamed for if you think about it, gives me a nice reactivity add bonus that makes me horny too and so this is the way I'll finish with this and thing I'll be more free for I have been released more of me here. I like that blogs and internet makes it possible and so I will pass the ball to those special individuals:
George the lonely game developer
Oh, and you five don't be demotivated by my excessive disclosures, you don't need to write so deep personal things but anything you wish. Just look at other examples where things like food preferences, inside hobbies, strange habbits and funny occasions of the past are here. I just went too much through it, hehe ;) Of course you are free to write or not write, I just went through 5 people, for some of them I'd be really wondering to learn somethings about, some others are there to fill the gap so that I can post this. (It's not easy to find people for pyramidoid things)