Wednesday, November 08, 2006

A wish.

Today is my namesday. Namesdays are not as important for me as birthdays, because my name beeing Michael is no such special occasion as my birthday is. Nevertheless, it's more possible that people remember you in your namesday. I forget when most of my friends were born.

Sometimes we send wishes and it's hard for me to think of a very imaginative wish. The usual keywords are girls, money, success, good health, happiness, etc, etc. And it's how you blend all things together in a good written wish. Boring to have to deal with that assignment each year.

Some of these things might be good for me. But I know I'd be still living through anxiety no matter if I had the whole world with me. I'll continue doing my best in life, but there is one thing that wins over all for my case. No matter if I am sick, well, alive, dead, succesfull, deep in shit,. one matter counts! The way I feel.

And I feel quite good today. My mind is peaceful. It all makes sense..

Serenity.

p.s. This is what I'd wish to myself in life. The rest doesn't matter..

12 comments:

Anonymous said...

i think your birthday is january 12...anyways i hope your name day brought you at least cake...cause no matter how you feel inside cake helps a little. in canada we do not have name days we only get one day a year birthdays (: take care micheal -noelle

Pixie said...

Χρονια πολλά γλυκιέ μου.I am happy to know at last your name.I am sure that things will get better and you will find the exit.I wish you that all your wishes will come true!

Optimus said...

noelle: I am surprised that you remember my birthday while we don't know each other very well! What happened to your blog btw?

pixie: Thank you so much for your wishes and believe me I've found a path that makes me content with myself, things are moving very well and there are yet good things to come.

Anastasia said...

taking off from your post, i will wish you to feel this way every day for the rest of your life! Anastasia

Aasemoon said...

Optimus, I wish you all the best for your namesday, and I hope the feeling of peace that you had on that day stays with you for the rest of your days. :)

Anonymous said...

i will always remeber you and sounas birthdays because you guys were peters best friends. i still have my blog...although my blog is full of senseless jabber (:

Hirn said...

Hey Optimus,
I don't think you remember me but I remember you (obviously ;-). I was sitting on the left to you doing some Java stuff at Breakpoint 2004 in Bingen. You were showing me Demos on your 6128 - an impressive wormhole animation that was playing sid-ish music on the cpc yamaha synth.
A long story short... All the best to our meaningless namesday ;-)

Michael

Optimus said...

anastasia and aasemoon: Thank you so much, you got it very right with your wishes here. I had good rare days like the one I describe in the post, but they didn't lasted long. The recent days were continously one after the other feeling great, also they gave me a diferrent view of my life, hapiness and being content with myself. Even the vicious circle of not being able to enjoy your day because of being afraid you won't enjoy it, wasn't there. Because it didn't matter anymore. The anxious thoughts were gone. Though, I hope oneday I can reach that point without having to depend on medicine for that great feeling..

Optimus said...

hirn: I don't exactly remember you (maybe it was just the Ouzo ;), there are many people near me at times, I remember one guy who was telling me some interesting facts about a connection of board RPGs with Scientology(?!), I remember maybe one-two more people near me, which of them were you? :)

And thanks for posting here, I like to see new people at times reading my blog, I'll go check yours now!

Optimus said...

Something I remembered from all these: An erasmus friend from UK who might or might not be reading this atm, once said to me "Hey Michael,. just have a time! :)". At first that sounded funny or incomplete, but through it's weirdness there was a meaning that was expressed quite cleverly from my friend. It's not "have a 'good/great/nice/beatiful/whatever time!". It's just having a time, without worrying whether it's great or not. It also breaks the vicious cycle about being anxious about having anxiety about having not a good day, which makes you not enjoying your time, thus having not a good time. Just have a time =)

Meaningful and fun in it's simplicity, yet hard to keep on this everyday. And if you become obsessed about keeping the good mood you loose it, such a vicious circle. Though I've learned there is an escape on this one and it's just being able to feel good and not caring at all, regardless, which is still a vicious circle in itself, but lol I got it too far so I will stop here..

Pixie said...

To get rid of adds in your settings put word verification on.It blocks automated adds!

Optimus said...

Thank you for your suggestion. I had enough with these spam!

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