Just another bunch of random thoughts. The title and starting theme are not the most important things I had in mind when I made these thoughts. More personal feelings are coming after some lines..
The TV series "Friends" are very popular. Surprisingly to me at first. Actually I never got the chance to have a look at that nor did it catched my attention back in the days. It looked to me like a casual juvenile show. It always surprised me how popular and beloved these series were! Recently, my brother and his friend tried to motivate me to watch the show. They explained to me every detail about each of the characters. Ok, casual stuff I said. Where is the special idea behind it?
But now I am addicted! They MADE me watch a whole episode cycle!!! First episode "ok", second "Mmm..", after the third I start learning the characters, "Hey! I like this!!! Gimme more :)"... we finished at 5:00 o'clock in the morning ;P
Ok, it's still not a special show but funny enough and it makes you think about the characters and relate to as most fans do. I personally related to Ross and liked Phoebe. Ross is the geek boy who has difficulties communicating with girls and Phoebe is the crazy new-age girl. Maybe it's just predictable to be hooked by specific TV series when you get used to them and their story/characters, nevertheless I was instantly converted into a fan :)
And where is the point?
I'll get roughly to the main point without making a nifty transition from my text ;)
I was walking alone again, thinking about girls. As most of you doesn't know, I never had a girlfriend while I am 26. Nothing to be ashamed of in my opinion, while being totally reactive to those who made me think I should be ashamed ;P. Oh, and I am really open sometimes but mostly while online :/. Anyways, after years I learned to despise and totally ignore the fears others tried to transfer to my brain (and they did succeed :P). It was like that having/fucking/whatever a girlfriend is a prestige and I was anxious to achieve that so that nobody tells me to get laid anymore and I won't feel like a fool. But did I ever asked myself what do I really want from that? Did I ever wondered at that time which are my real motives, if I could bother dedicating myself into that cause and how capable/moody am I for a relationship? Did I ever knew what I really wanted?
With my anxiety and fear I made some stupid mistakes with two girls I would now like that we just stayed friends (But I only knew these from the net and they still hate my online stalking ;). These fears never helped me being my true self while talking to girls (in real life :). Nothing good came out from all those cliche that were transfered to me. And yes, I've heard about the possibility that I am just raising my self-defence by analyzing instead of acting, I know what else you will say, everything is predictable. But please leave me alone! It's better to have a free mind about all these anymore even if that means it will be too late when I find my soulmate!
It's so nice having a clear mind about life. It's nicer, feels much nicer these days. Being content with my weird personality, my geeky hobbies, my total inactivity with girls, my lack of social skills, my lameness, my misery, feeling like myself. I am Ross.
After I survived the first cycle of the show, my psychological condition improved during the next day. I was observing my life exactly like I did with the show. What if I am so lame and associal? I instantly related to Ross and all my misery felt funny! That girl I once fell in love with, looked and sounded like Phoebe =) (Maybe I should just find my personal Phoebe near my place so that I leave the online one in peace ;)
More friends of mine, even weird, geeky and not very preety, have recently told me that they finally had their first relationship. That's good news, news that also made me wonder why am I still more late than all? Recently I had a clue and I re-examined it this night. I was walking in the dark and thinking of the fifth cycle I recently watched. The same feeling, funny atmosphere, characters you relate to, friendship and crazy relationships. Those episodes made my day once again and then they brought a lighter atmosphere to my real life. Voila!
I came into the following conclusion several times ago, but now I finally underlined it. Except from my usual and not so important flaws, what kept me away from trying to relate with girls and actually enjoying it, is the very serious fact that I am taking life too seriously. Punkt.
Tiny yet important fragments of enlightment for my walk of life..
p.s. Funny how can a TV show improve your life. It made me see my life under a lighter aspect. This occurence is another great example to remind me how should I think of my life, also making me more aware that I was actually right about the cliche and stereotypes that people use to spread about every aspect of real life. Their blamings were just contributing negatively to my already annoyingly serious way of thinking. I think I got this from my family. I would ask one thing from all of them: Just Let Me Free!
p.p.s. A very nice guy from England that I met in my Erasmus trip at Germany, put it in a more brief way:
"Hey Michael, just have a time!"